I was doing pretty well today. But now that it’s getting dark and I’m slowing down, I’m suddenly a HUGE piece of crap – absolutely exhausted and emotional. My kids have been so sweet, but one of my sons and I got into a little tiff and that was enough to start the tears flowing. SO lame but I couldn’t help it.
I started off the day at 6:00 am after sleeping for only about 5 hours – not too bad considering. Once I was awake, I just couldn’t go back to sleep as reality intruded on my drowsy thoughts. Initially, I wanted to stay in my pajamas all day and just be a slug, but I made myself shower right away instead.
I actually had a fairly decent morning/afternoon. I let my oldest son take my car to work, so I decided to walk to all my errands. Walking appealed to me again today. I’ve read more than one book about an in-crisis protagonist walking miles and miles in the big city for hour after hour, coming to a life-changing solution to their problem in the process. Maybe that’s me. I don’t know, but these boots were made for walkin’ and that’s just what they’ll do. (just for fun – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbyAZQ45uww)
When I got home I wrote for awhile and then…wait for it…took my dogs for a long walk. I’m telling you, it’s seriously hugely therapeutic.
Now don’t get me wrong – things are not all fine and dandy here. I’m just trying to stay positive and not cave under the weight of all my fears, mostly for my kids. What I’m most worried about is how other people, particularly colleagues in the local nonprofit community, are going to perceive me now that I’ve been FIRED!
I’ve worked SO incredibly hard to get to where I am today. You see, I royally screwed up my life almost exactly 10 years ago and had to rebuild from nothing. And I mean nothing.
I had my three kids who kept me going and my parents’ love and support.
It felt like forever, but it took me only about 6 weeks to find a job and lucky for me it was with a nonprofit. I honestly didn’t even know what I was getting myself into. Then when I was exposed to the world of fundraising, well, I fell hard and fast – it was love at first sight. I finally found my calling. I dedicated myself to this second career (my first right out of college was computer programming) in which I had basically no experience and ultimately worked my way up to director level and doubled my salary.
I’ve made a name for myself and I’m very proud of what I’ve done with my life over the past decade. And then BAM! Life blew up in my face. It feels like my ex-boss took all that away from me in one fell swoop. She hijacked my life. In all seriousness, I don’t know if I can ever forgive her for that.
As a side note – I have to be honest here real quick. During my walks, I prayed to God to please give my ex-boss her due. And to cover all my bases, I even appealed to any other beings that might have been nearby through a spell of my own creation. But I couldn’t even make it rhyme and I’m usually pretty awesome at that stuff. Hopefully the universe heard my appeals anyway and down the road these wrongs will be made right.
So, I reached out to some of my colleagues today. Everyone was kind. I could sense a couple of them didn’t want to get stuck in the middle of all of this and I’m certain I will never hear from them again. The thought that people I have worked with over the years might actually think I did something to deserve this makes me sick to my stomach. Others seemed more sincere. I’m just hoping those who know me personally know me well enough to see through what has happened.
Day 1 Action Items:
- KEEP BUSY! Seriously, the minute you stop moving your emotions take over.
- Research benefits to which you might be entitled:
- unemployment benefits – just search for “XX (your state) unemployment benefits application.”
- food stamps – this program is typically called something else now – here in California it’s called CalFresh. If you search for “food stamps,” you will find the information you need. On my county’s site, I was able to fill out an easy questionnaire online to determine eligibility. I didn’t qualify, but I’m going to check back again after the “extra” money I have from my vacation payout has been depleted. That may change things.
- It’s really important to get these applications started as soon as possible because it takes about 6-8 weeks for the benefits to kick in.
- If you think your termination may have been based on retaliation or discrimination, consider opening a case. It should be free through your state.
It’s only 9:30 pm, but I have got to hit the sack. It’s all catching up with me today. Remember, take care of YOU. You can get through this. I promise.