I’m sorry I haven’t been posting. I’ve been really down still. I think there are a couple of things going on. First, I realized that DUH! I’m going through the stages of grief and loss. I’m having a hard time pinpointing when I hit each stage or if I’m even doing things in the right order, but I’m in full-on depression right now for certain.
The typical stages are:
- Denial & Isolation
I know I’ve talked about breaking down here and there, but last night was B.A.D. I broke my rule and went out for drinks with a friend. Martinis no less. Big mistake. First of all, I haven’t had a drink in a few weeks now. Secondly, I don’t eat all that much during the day with my diet. And lastly, I’ve lost quite a bit of weight.
I only had two, but they hit me hard and all of the defenses I had built up came crashing down. I was just sooooooo sad. So sad about everything. It’s overwhelming and is tearing me apart from the inside out. I said, “Don’t drink!” for a reason and I should’ve listened to my own advice. Don’t make the same mistake as me. Please, do as I say and not as I do.
The situation with my car is also really bumming me out. There was a clerical error which is preventing my insurance company from covering any of the accident. My son was listed on an exclusion clause back when he was on my policy because it made my insurance much cheaper. However, when he got his own policy, that should have been removed but my agent did not do that. Which means he should not have been driving my car. She has even admitted she’s in the wrong, but the claims and policy departments are two completely separate worlds. I’m still waiting to see how it plays out, but it’s not looking good for me.
To be totally honest, I’m having a hard time overcoming. It’s just too much for one person to handle all at once. And, so I haven’t wanted to write. I hate being a Debbie Downer. That’s why I usually cocoon when I’m facing a huge life challenge. This is the first time, in as long as I can remember, that I’ve let myself trust my tribe to be there for me. It’s actually the first time, in as long as I can remember, that I’ve actually had a tribe to be there for me. Thank you, Jesus.
On a positive note, I held my first “Jobless?! Now What?” peer support group. A couple of really great folks showed up and I felt like it was a productive and supportive meeting. I connected one person with my first ex-husband and the other with my second ex-husband because their career paths totally aligned with my ex-husbands’ jobs. What are the odds? If you happen to be in the Sacramento, CA region – come check it out. You can find info here – https://www.meetup.com/Jobless-Now-What/.
I also met with someone from care.com about a petsitting job. I had to walk almost 5 miles round-trip in the rain to get to her house to meet the dog and cats, but where there’s a will, there’s a way. It wasn’t so bad. Really – I’m serious. I kept tearing up on the way there, but felt a lot more level-headed on the way home.
Tomorrow I’m meeting with a recruiter. It’s about 15 miles away, so I can’t really walk. I’m going to have to bite the bullet and take Lyft or Uber. I will tell you all about it mañana.
DAY 13 ACTION ITEMS:
- Check out Care.com – I can’t remember if I’ve already told you about that or not. It’s pretty awesome – the jobs include things like nannying, pet sitting, errands, meal prep, etc. Simple things like that. It’s a great way to bring in some extra money.
- Schedule a Meeting with a Recruiter – I know I’ve mentioned this one, but if you haven’t done it yet – GET ON IT.
- Practice your mantra – I haven’t been doing so well with this in the last couple of days, and it really did help when I was more vigilant about doing it.
- OVERCOME – Find something big to overcome today. If I can walk 5 miles in the rain just to meet a dog and 2 cats, albeit a LOVABLE dog and 2 ADORABLE cats, while crying, you can overcome something too.
Down, but not out.